Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
