I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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