he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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