I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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