girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
