The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
