Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
