In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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