her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
