Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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