No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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