we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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