I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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