stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
