I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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