He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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