am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
