i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
