If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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