:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
from now on my penis is your penis
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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