My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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