hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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