He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
