Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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