I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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