I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
