Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
