Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
