I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
