How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
