im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
