Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
