pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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