I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
