sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
