I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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