am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
