no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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