I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
