Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
