His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
