You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
