i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
