I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
