My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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