go do what you do best...puke behind churches
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
