Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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