Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
