I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
