Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
