You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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