we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
