I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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