Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
