Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
