woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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