so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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