He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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