I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
