Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
